His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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