I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
