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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.

  (917): View more from New York City

  dollar well spent

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides

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• (619): View more from California

  I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.

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• (607): View more from New York

  No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Desperate times...

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