hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
