I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
