This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
