if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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