a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
