I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
