ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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