I am midnight drunk by noon
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
