if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
