Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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