weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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