We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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