Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
