Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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