Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
