I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
