Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
