my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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