is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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