So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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