She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
