You really coming over, don't trick.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
