I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize