girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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