then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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