Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
