and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
