considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
