Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
