he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
