no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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