Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
