also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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