I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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