If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
