you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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