Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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