Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
