I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
