she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
