we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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