You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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