absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
