the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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