peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
