Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
