I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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