i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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