Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
